I’m so torn up. I keep moving between denial and emptiness. The denial calms me about an hour at a time, it makes me believe I’m okay, I’m not i wont be any time soon.
I had Ozzy for 14 of his 15 year journey, I was only 10 and had begged my mom for years to let me have a cat. She would distract me with a kitty Gigapet or a stuffed animal but it was never enough, i was persistent. Then one day she cam home from work and I was sitting in the den playing some game on the Nintendo when this large blonde cat comes strolling in. I was excited but apprehensive, I figured we were cat sitting. but he was all mine.
I dont know how long he went w/o a name but he was a little aggressive with ankle bites, so i named him after Ozzy Osborne. :) Over the years we became very close, he would sleep on my pillow above my head and purr all night with his loud motor, he came when I called him and took every opportunity to make me smile.
The hardest part was that he was my crutch, whenever there was a reason for me to cry, I hugged my cat. When my grandpa died when i was 13, my mom told me to hug my cat. All the bullying, boyfriend-drama and filth that comes with being a emo-teenager was relieved with hugging my cat. I loved him and I could tell he loved me dearly too.
Without him I feel so empty and incredibly alone, watching him suffer these past few days was too hard and I prepared the home euthanization. My memories at this point keep returning to how withered he looked. I am so sorry, Oz.
This was only yesterday, and I’m anxious about gathering his remains. He is my best friend, and for the most part, my only friend. All the times he slept on me make it hard to sleep alone, so here i am at 4am, waiting to pass out. :(
Bottom was taken Thursday, the last night he was physically able to get up and lay with me.